Anyone who knows anything about me knows how much I love the Olympics. The sport, the spirit, the community, the feeling...I just love it all. I don't like to worry too much about all the political crap, we already are bombarded with that stuff on a daily basis, what is so wrong about enjoying 2 weeks of sport competition? It's about being a part of something bigger than yourself, like the World Cup or something. It's just...intangible. It's sport. It's nationalism (the good kind). It's just all awesome.
So this is why the Olympic protesters piss me off a little bit...sure, it's your democratic right to voice your opinion, but I'm just so tired of bleeding heart Liberals taking advantage of any perceived slight (capitalism, oil sands, poverty, anything really) to protest on an international stage. It's just a bunch of grandstanding, to me. It takes away from the experience and ultimately hurts the athletes who have only spent the entirety of their lives training and preparing for this moment. People will come back and say that those less fortunate don't have those same oppotunities and it's not "fair". No...it's not fair. Life isn't fair. Just give it up and let me enjoy my games without you interceding and ruining the experience for me.
If this makes me a cold, heartless conservative then fine, that's what I am. But I'm also a realist. Not everyone is equal in the world and it will never be that way. It has never been that way in history, why do we think that now, suddenly, we're capable of all being perfect, equal human beings. It's just not possible. I'm all for helping those unfortunate and social programs, but why do we have to let it mar the games? All things considered, Canada has a pretty good history involving being there and taking care of its own people, but you can't please everyone.
Protesters...give it up. Throwing rocks and acting like a child endears no one to your cause. If you want to be peaceful, fine, that's your right, but give it up with the childish actions.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Am I asking too much?
So...everyone's favorite "holiday" is just around the corner. You all (I say this as if anyone is actually reading this!) know what I'm talking about....Valentine's Day! I, secretly, kinda like this holiday. It's about romance, and sweetness and always makes me think of being giggly and happy, even if I'm not. Sure, it's a pretty naive view of things, but that's how I like to see it...and it's my choice if I end up disappointed if the day turns out to be a ball full of crap instead.
I'm in a relationship, so you would think this day would at least not be horrible. After all, I'm not alone. But I'm not just dating someone...I'm living with someone, which is totally different from dating. This means, in my experience, that romance goes out the window. I always knew (suspected?) my guy wasn't a real Casanova...it's just not in his DNA. The cynical and hurt part of me wants to say that he'd rather drink beer and watch tv that plan a romantic evening, and while that may be true, it isn't entirely fair...when we first started dating (the first 2 years, I'd say) romance wasn't so hard to find...now, however? It's practically invisible.
Part of this stems from the fact that we live together...there's just not much that is left to the imagination anymore. And this does bring a certain level of closeness to a relationship that can't exist otherwise; you just can't hide all your faults as easily anymore and you begin to share a world, not just a relationship. You share sleeping space and your dreams, meals and chores, money and stress. It's a different kind of intimacy. At the same time, you get comfortable. I'm the first one to admit that it's pretty great not having to wake up before he does to put on makeup in the morning, or stay dressed to the nines in cute clothes when you really want to slip on some Lulu's and a hoodie and call it a night.
All this is well and good...but it doesn't leave a lot of room for romantic gestures. There's no need to impress anymore, not to the same extent anyway. It's not so much that I want grand romantic gestures....maybe I just want to know that you're considering it, or that it's a possibility. Being badgered about what I got you (which was simple, not over 40 dollars because we both are running low on cash) and then told 'I need to know, I don't want to go out and spend over $100" doesn't really fill me with romantic jitters. In fact, it pisses me off a little. Sure, these are small potatoes, but it's just a concrete example of how romance has disappeared in our world. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I would be in store for a fun, romantic evening where I'd get pampered and showered with love and romantic gestures, which would mean all that much more because they are so rare. But now I'm confronted with the fact that that ISN'T going to happen and yeah, I'm bummed about it. Come join my pity party if you want.
I'm happy in my relationship for the most part...I really am. I don't like to think about what my life would be like without it...it scares me, and not in an its different kind of way but in a real, intangible my life would be worse kind of way, the feeling you get anytime you think about losing someone you love. So it's not that I'm unhappy...maybe I just feel like the relationship is in a rut, kind of like some other things in my life (see previous blog post).
Anyway...I'm sure people can relate...it IS Valentine's Day afterall, and we all weren't lucky enoiugh to meet our very own Cupid, so there are probably thousands of people who feel the same...but alas, we will go on with the day, hoping for romance, preparing for disappointment, but still always hoping. And I guess we can probably thank Cinderella for that!
I'm in a relationship, so you would think this day would at least not be horrible. After all, I'm not alone. But I'm not just dating someone...I'm living with someone, which is totally different from dating. This means, in my experience, that romance goes out the window. I always knew (suspected?) my guy wasn't a real Casanova...it's just not in his DNA. The cynical and hurt part of me wants to say that he'd rather drink beer and watch tv that plan a romantic evening, and while that may be true, it isn't entirely fair...when we first started dating (the first 2 years, I'd say) romance wasn't so hard to find...now, however? It's practically invisible.
Part of this stems from the fact that we live together...there's just not much that is left to the imagination anymore. And this does bring a certain level of closeness to a relationship that can't exist otherwise; you just can't hide all your faults as easily anymore and you begin to share a world, not just a relationship. You share sleeping space and your dreams, meals and chores, money and stress. It's a different kind of intimacy. At the same time, you get comfortable. I'm the first one to admit that it's pretty great not having to wake up before he does to put on makeup in the morning, or stay dressed to the nines in cute clothes when you really want to slip on some Lulu's and a hoodie and call it a night.
All this is well and good...but it doesn't leave a lot of room for romantic gestures. There's no need to impress anymore, not to the same extent anyway. It's not so much that I want grand romantic gestures....maybe I just want to know that you're considering it, or that it's a possibility. Being badgered about what I got you (which was simple, not over 40 dollars because we both are running low on cash) and then told 'I need to know, I don't want to go out and spend over $100" doesn't really fill me with romantic jitters. In fact, it pisses me off a little. Sure, these are small potatoes, but it's just a concrete example of how romance has disappeared in our world. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I would be in store for a fun, romantic evening where I'd get pampered and showered with love and romantic gestures, which would mean all that much more because they are so rare. But now I'm confronted with the fact that that ISN'T going to happen and yeah, I'm bummed about it. Come join my pity party if you want.
I'm happy in my relationship for the most part...I really am. I don't like to think about what my life would be like without it...it scares me, and not in an its different kind of way but in a real, intangible my life would be worse kind of way, the feeling you get anytime you think about losing someone you love. So it's not that I'm unhappy...maybe I just feel like the relationship is in a rut, kind of like some other things in my life (see previous blog post).
Anyway...I'm sure people can relate...it IS Valentine's Day afterall, and we all weren't lucky enoiugh to meet our very own Cupid, so there are probably thousands of people who feel the same...but alas, we will go on with the day, hoping for romance, preparing for disappointment, but still always hoping. And I guess we can probably thank Cinderella for that!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I don't know??
Well...first off, I don't really know what I'm doing here. No one will probably ever read this, and perhaps that's exactly why I'm doing it. It's cathartic and I don't necessarily want the whole world to read my thoughts. It seems somewhat more revealing than a journal though because there is the possibility that someone else could read it...and that makes it deeper, more personal, more revealing, in a way.
Anyway...I've been feeling in a rut lately. Why? I don't know. Maybe I'm just coming down with something, or getting bored with my routine. I like my job, I love my boyfriend and my family, but I just feel off, like there's something missing, or there's something I am missing.
I think part of it stems from being increasingly unhappy with my self when I look in the mirror. Not only this, but a few days ago a pair of pants that fit me in University (albeit, they were snug back then) refused to come above my (apparently huge) thighs. This really rattled me. It's one thing to think you've gained a few pounds (you just know, right girls?) but I've always said, "it's okay, I'm not gaining that much weight, my pants still fit!" to justify any perceived 5 pound weight gain I had previously. Now? That argument is gone out the window. And to make matters worse, my favorite pair of pants is feeling tighter than usual. You know how it goes with pants...you need to stretch 'em out a bit for them to be comfortable. Now, it feels like there just isn't as much stress. My pants feel uncomfortable and far too tight that I'd just rather wear sweatpants that stretch. Sigh. I've known for awhile now that I really need to get my butt in gear and start working out and being more active and eating healthier...but it's so hard!
I want to be happy with myself...I want to look in the mirror and see someone fit and trim and, yes, skinny! Do I need to be a size 2? No...I probably won't ever be (thanks for the hips, mom!) but I do want to NOT have a muffin top...not have to suck in...just be comfortable in my skin and my own clothes! But...I'm pretty lazy. I'd much rather stay in, watch tv and read my book than go to the gym and be active (the gym is so boring...and time consuiming...and expensive). And I just can't give up any of my favorite foods. Fast food, yes, I could give it up (it would be hard...but doable). But mashed potatoes? Nope. Sweets? Hardly...It's just impossible. I know that life is hard and I need to suck it up to get what I want...but why can't I just be one of the lucky ones who enjoys healthy food and enjoys being active? Why can't I just be naturally slim and trim and have thick hair that does what you want it and looks nice all the time...seriously, why? I know this just sounds like some girl complaining, but these are the things that we all think about, if you lie and say you don't you're just lying to yourself!
So anyway...that's what's been going on. I also am feeling more removed from my friends recently. I know I haven't always been the one most excited about hanging out (sometimes I do just like to go home and relax...does this make me lame? Maybe...but whatever), and I don't go out as much anymore (drinking has become really overrated for me recently...) but I'm starting to feel like my friends don't really like me that much anymore. Sure, they're my friends and have been for years and years but we don't really have that much in common any longer, and I just get this weird 6th sense feeling when were hanging out that they are annoyed by me, or just wishing they could be somewhere else. I realize this probably just sounds very self-indulgent and "oh-poor-me" but it's how I feel...and this is my blog and my catharsis so I can say whatever I want.
It actually helps to get this stuff out there....maybe stay tuned for more?
:) cheers
Anyway...I've been feeling in a rut lately. Why? I don't know. Maybe I'm just coming down with something, or getting bored with my routine. I like my job, I love my boyfriend and my family, but I just feel off, like there's something missing, or there's something I am missing.
I think part of it stems from being increasingly unhappy with my self when I look in the mirror. Not only this, but a few days ago a pair of pants that fit me in University (albeit, they were snug back then) refused to come above my (apparently huge) thighs. This really rattled me. It's one thing to think you've gained a few pounds (you just know, right girls?) but I've always said, "it's okay, I'm not gaining that much weight, my pants still fit!" to justify any perceived 5 pound weight gain I had previously. Now? That argument is gone out the window. And to make matters worse, my favorite pair of pants is feeling tighter than usual. You know how it goes with pants...you need to stretch 'em out a bit for them to be comfortable. Now, it feels like there just isn't as much stress. My pants feel uncomfortable and far too tight that I'd just rather wear sweatpants that stretch. Sigh. I've known for awhile now that I really need to get my butt in gear and start working out and being more active and eating healthier...but it's so hard!
I want to be happy with myself...I want to look in the mirror and see someone fit and trim and, yes, skinny! Do I need to be a size 2? No...I probably won't ever be (thanks for the hips, mom!) but I do want to NOT have a muffin top...not have to suck in...just be comfortable in my skin and my own clothes! But...I'm pretty lazy. I'd much rather stay in, watch tv and read my book than go to the gym and be active (the gym is so boring...and time consuiming...and expensive). And I just can't give up any of my favorite foods. Fast food, yes, I could give it up (it would be hard...but doable). But mashed potatoes? Nope. Sweets? Hardly...It's just impossible. I know that life is hard and I need to suck it up to get what I want...but why can't I just be one of the lucky ones who enjoys healthy food and enjoys being active? Why can't I just be naturally slim and trim and have thick hair that does what you want it and looks nice all the time...seriously, why? I know this just sounds like some girl complaining, but these are the things that we all think about, if you lie and say you don't you're just lying to yourself!
So anyway...that's what's been going on. I also am feeling more removed from my friends recently. I know I haven't always been the one most excited about hanging out (sometimes I do just like to go home and relax...does this make me lame? Maybe...but whatever), and I don't go out as much anymore (drinking has become really overrated for me recently...) but I'm starting to feel like my friends don't really like me that much anymore. Sure, they're my friends and have been for years and years but we don't really have that much in common any longer, and I just get this weird 6th sense feeling when were hanging out that they are annoyed by me, or just wishing they could be somewhere else. I realize this probably just sounds very self-indulgent and "oh-poor-me" but it's how I feel...and this is my blog and my catharsis so I can say whatever I want.
It actually helps to get this stuff out there....maybe stay tuned for more?
:) cheers
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