Am I asking too much?

So...everyone's favorite "holiday" is just around the corner. You all (I say this as if anyone is actually reading this!) know what I'm talking about....Valentine's Day! I, secretly, kinda like this holiday. It's about romance, and sweetness and always makes me think of being giggly and happy, even if I'm not. Sure, it's a pretty naive view of things, but that's how I like to see it...and it's my choice if I end up disappointed if the day turns out to be a ball full of crap instead.

I'm in a relationship, so you would think this day would at least not be horrible. After all, I'm not alone. But I'm not just dating someone...I'm living with someone, which is totally different from dating. This means, in my experience, that romance goes out the window. I always knew (suspected?) my guy wasn't a real Casanova...it's just not in his DNA. The cynical and hurt part of me wants to say that he'd rather drink beer and watch tv that plan a romantic evening, and while that may be true, it isn't entirely fair...when we first started dating (the first 2 years, I'd say) romance wasn't so hard to find...now, however? It's practically invisible.

Part of this stems from the fact that we live together...there's just not much that is left to the imagination anymore. And this does bring a certain level of closeness to a relationship that can't exist otherwise; you just can't hide all your faults as easily anymore and you begin to share a world, not just a relationship. You share sleeping space and your dreams, meals and chores, money and stress. It's a different kind of intimacy. At the same time, you get comfortable. I'm the first one to admit that it's pretty great not having to wake up before he does to put on makeup in the morning, or stay dressed to the nines in cute clothes when you really want to slip on some Lulu's and a hoodie and call it a night.

All this is well and good...but it doesn't leave a lot of room for romantic gestures. There's no need to impress anymore, not to the same extent anyway. It's not so much that I want grand romantic gestures....maybe I just want to know that you're considering it, or that it's a possibility. Being badgered about what I got you (which was simple, not over 40 dollars because we both are running low on cash) and then told 'I need to know, I don't want to go out and spend over $100" doesn't really fill me with romantic jitters. In fact, it pisses me off a little. Sure, these are small potatoes, but it's just a concrete example of how romance has disappeared in our world. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I would be in store for a fun, romantic evening where I'd get pampered and showered with love and romantic gestures, which would mean all that much more because they are so rare. But now I'm confronted with the fact that that ISN'T going to happen and yeah, I'm bummed about it. Come join my pity party if you want.

I'm happy in my relationship for the most part...I really am. I don't like to think about what my life would be like without it...it scares me, and not in an its different kind of way but in a real, intangible my life would be worse kind of way, the feeling you get anytime you think about losing someone you love. So it's not that I'm unhappy...maybe I just feel like the relationship is in a rut, kind of like some other things in my life (see previous blog post).

Anyway...I'm sure people can relate...it IS Valentine's Day afterall, and we all weren't lucky enoiugh to meet our very own Cupid, so there are probably thousands of people who feel the same...but alas, we will go on with the day, hoping for romance, preparing for disappointment, but still always hoping. And I guess we can probably thank Cinderella for that!